This weekend I decided to organise one of the many plastic containers of papers and other misandry that are the result of my bid to lessen my attachment to physical things. (I wouldn’t say I’m a hoarder – but – I have a lot of stuff!)
I often start with the best intentions, and have managed to send off four medium-large sized boxes of books to various trading websites, but, I have yet to break the habit of keeping every piece of paper from receipts to sweet wrappers and then stuffing them in boxes (the sweet wrappers were kept with the intention of creating some crafty project or another). But this weekend I decided that I would at the very least find out what is in each box and put ‘like-with-like’.
Hours later I was surrounded by piles of paper and plastic wallets, and it could have felt stressful but instead I felt joy. Amongst those papers, discarded and forgotten, was all the notes and scribbles that I made when I first felt lead to create this blog.
It was all there from hexcodes, to post ideas; from scripture and verses to audacious future plans.
Somewhere in the last few years I had taken my big, God-given dream and negotiated down to something small. And even at that small place, I felt like I was ‘doing to much’: who was I to think that I could write a out God, or discuss scripture?
And what was I thinking sharing deeply personal experiences with anyone who should stumble across this?
Past me had big plans, and, present me wants to step out from the cloud of fear and shame and make those dreams a reality.
For anyone reading this I urge you to speak aloud that secret passion, the one you have convinced yourself is too late to pursue, and today take your first step towards it; make your plans and allow God to direct your steps.