Since late 2014 I have tried to include journaling as part of my prayer life. At first, it was difficult to know what to write but my thoughts and prayer quickly ended up being letters to God.
I spent the next few years writing in my pink journal. I found it on Amazon and what set it apart from other notebooks was the Christian design. On the cover is a quote from Matthew, and on the bottom of each page is a biblical verse. Sometimes the verses brought inspiration but other times I wrote without fully appreciating their meaning but, nonetheless, I was grateful for their presence.
Within the pages of this notebook are some of my darkest moments. There were heavy times when I felt as though I were drifting away from my sanity, and other times when I felt like I was losing my connection to God.
I didn’t have a set routine, I just wrote whenever I felt compelled to, which meant there were weeks when I wouldn’t even glance at the journal.
A few weeks ago it was finally time to say goodbye to my pink companion, and as I searched through my ever growing collection of notebooks I came across this little gem from Grace and Salt InkI cannot remember how long I have had this basic Moleskine in my possession, but I love its simple, yet beautiful, customisation.
At the time I was preparing to use this little notebook I also decided to restart my favourite daily devotional, and a line immediately made itself clear to me, and summed up my new intention: ‘Starting today I’m going to do what it takes to grow up spiritually and discover God’s plan for my life.’
Although I had long committed myself to God, having undergone an Anglican Confirmation in 2013, I am still very much in my spiritual infancy. I have been disconnected from any form of church family, or fellowship, for at least three years and although I started a course in theology I didn’t see it through to completion. I have always identified myself as a curious Christian, someone who wants to explore ideas of faith and prayer and not be limited by cultural expectations or current trends. I wanted to understand liturgy as well as Celtic prayer. I wanted to read about the mystics as well as the saints. I wanted to understand the Jewish history and find the path that best suited my personal relationship and understanding of God.
And I still do.
However, I found that in this curiosity I didn’t actually take time for prayer. I didn’t always take time to talk with God, to be quiet, to be still. To just listen. So eager was I to gather a new nugget of information that I began to lose sight of why I had started my spiritual journey in the first place. I started to become overwhelmed with the thoughts and ideas of others and I forgot to connect with my own.
When I finally stopped I found that I was lost. I had not departed from God, nor had I changed my belief in him but I had lost sight of what was important – my personal relationship with God. So, I went back to my notebook, inspired by that devotional. It is time for my faith to mature.
This prayer journal is going to become an integral part of my new faithful intention, and my plan is to share more of my weekly prayers, readings and studies so that this blog can grow and develop as I do.
What do you feel as though God has been pressing into your heart recently?
Are you like me and seeking to be more prayerful?
I’d love to know your favourite studies and devotionals so feel free to comment below or tweet me @thisgirlmatters