So 2017 was rubbish, especially in the later months.
I barely wrote, I didn’t read much, and my physical health took a nosedive. At the same time I was both directionless and overwhelmed.
I had more doctor’s appointments in the last three months of 2017 than I had had in the entire previous year.
In the early weeks of 2018 I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. Whilst having that diagnosis doesn’t negate my physical health, mentally I am feeling much stronger because I have some answers.
Now I know why I am easily distracted, struggle to focus and become overwhelmed. I understand why I attempted three blogs when one makes more sense, why I tried to separate my thought processes in a bid to manage them but ended up burnt out and silenced.
My head is full of thoughts and various interests but for years I have tried to compartmentalise all the different aspects of my personality as though belonging to different people. I have struggled with identity and disassociation for as long as I can remember (and I have memories from when I was 18mnths old, so it’s been a long time!) and I am beginning to realise how damaging this has been to my mental health.
I really want to start a new path of mental health recovery, and the first stage in that is to begin to allow myself to express various aspects of my personality/interests without feeling as though I have to become separate parts.
In a few weeks I will be starting the adventure of finding the right ADHD medication, but I know from experience that medication alone is not a complete management/treatment plan for me. I need to work with my doctors and also seek out other support in order to work on my overall wellness.
My current plans aren’t too intense and build on things I am already doing which I think is the best way to approach this.
Since the Spring of 2017 I have been going for a walk once a week as part of a group. Most everyone there has a disability and it has been a significant help to my social anxiety and mental health. It is at a set day, time and location each week which my ASD brain thrives on.
Whilst this will be at the core of my physical wellness I am aware that I live a sedentary life. Going to the gym is not something I can do, but I found some indoor-based, disability friendly exercises on YouTube (including an indoor walking programme) that I want to give a try.
A key part of wellness is knowing your limits, for example not trying to do everything just because you are having an okay day. That leaves you open to putting too much stress on yourself and needing more downtime in the long run.
On that note I realise that I need to streamline my digital life. Part of that is blogging only on one platform (this one!) and editing/transferring any posts I wrote in other places that are relevant.
I want to edit (or rebrand, as the cool kids say) this website and actually take the time the blog deserves. I think that commiting to a routine may be helpful, like picking a set day to write/edit/upload but I think that will develop with time.
For now I just want to be consistant.